I'm coming back...

Kids are growing up too fast!

"No power of Hell, no scheme of man, could ever pluck me from His hand..."

This blog has been seriously neglected lately, and when I look back and see the lull I'll know why.  A lot has been going on in our little world.  Some tough stuff, some good stuff.  And, yes, I'll be honest, I have been depressed about it.  The devil took some of my old demons, wrapped them in a new package, and dropped them right in my lap to explode, and said, "Here ya go!  Thought you were done with that?  Let's see how you handle it now."  Not a good time to come unraveled when you have 2 small children that depend on you for everything, that are looking to you to learn how to behave and manage emotions, and well, just life.  But is there ever really a good time to be re-made?  Because broken is what I have been, and maybe that's how He wants me to be.  Most of us don't ask God for that challenge, but I'm putting my faith in Him that His timing is right and His faithfulness and love and grace will prevail in this situation. And that I'll be better for it.  That my family will be stronger because of it.  I'm certainly more aware of my shortcomings and insecurities now than I have ever been.  And maybe that stuff just comes out when you're a mom and trying to figure out if what you're doing is right or if you are totally messing it up.  But, I feel like there is a light at the end of my pity party tunnel.  Spring is here!  And life goes on!  And I'm tired of the devil stealing my joy with paralyzing fear and anxiety and doubt!  Get behind me, Satan!  I'm not perfect, and I never will be.  But, boy oh boy, it is a pride problem I have to want to be.  And I work hard to portray that I am.  That everything is okay.  But lately, I haven't been able to even pretend to be peppy.  Not even on here where I choose to share mostly the memories that I want to remember.  It just seemed so fake.  But I do want to be real.  And the truth is I'm a mess on my own.  I need His grace daily because I fail.  I need His love and goodness to go beyond my selfishness.  I need His strength to carry me because I'm weak and tired.  I need His comfort to heal me.  His faithfulness to depend on and hold me steady.  His will to take over my life, instead of my own.  I need to rely on Him.  Put my faith and trust in Him.  And everything will be okay.  I know it will be, I have always known.  Thank you, God for your faithfulness!  And for giving me a new chance with every new day to be closer to You.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit."

Psalm 51:10-12