12 Months

12 months..I'm outta here!

Sweet Rhett,
I'm a few months late writing this, but it's still so hard to believe that my baby is one!  You are growing up so fast, getting so big, and doing so many fun things.  Your first year has blessed me with pure joy!  You have been the easiest and most lovable baby a mama could ask for.  You have stolen a piece of my heart that will always belong to no one else but you.  Boy, oh boy, I love you so!  You are so cute and so sweet, and you know it!  I love every little fat roll, every little expression, every little sound, and every little move you make.  I could just eat you up!  I don't know why, but in my mind, raising you looks so much different from raising Mary Ella.  I knew I wanted a son, but some time after you were born the weight of raising you up into the man God wants you to be really set in on me.  Raising a teenage boy scares the living daylight out of me!  Not too long ago there were these lists floating around the internet like "20 rules for mothers of sons" and "20 rules for mothers of daughters," and it just added fuel to the fire. Guess which one got to me?  Well, then I read this funny blog making fun of the rules, and the first one on her list for mothers of sons was, "Teach your son what a skank is so he'll never bring one home."  And then I laughed and thought maybe I was taking the whole thing a little too seriously.  But really, I know that raising a girl won't be easy.  I know that ME and I will disagree on things and have fights, and I know that she won't always see things the way I do.  And maybe she will disappoint me, and maybe I'll disappoint her.  Big time.  But, I feel that no matter what road she takes, if I have done my job of showing her what a Christian woman and wife and mother look like, then I think she will remember that.  And hopefully never leave God's path for her life, but always come back to it if she has seen my example.  In other words, I have to live it.  Show her through my actions what I expect and what God expects.  I'm not saying that's not a big job, it's HUGE!  And I will fall short and make mistakes, but I think I have the control to have that impact on her while she is under my care.  Then there's you, Rhett.  I know I have a huge responsibility in raising you to love God and teaching you to follow his Word.  I have so much to offer and so much I want you to know as my son.  But I can't teach you how to be a man and husband and father.  I can't model that for you, and that little difference has me feeling a little bit out of control.  Not now, so much, but later.  And don't get my wrong, your Daddy is PERFECTLY capable of that!  I know that for sure!  I just know there are things you can't learn from me, and I know I will have to let go.  And I know that will be hard!  Does that sound crazy?  Probably so, you're only 1!  Ha!  But just know that I love you, and I want to do my absolute best before God as your Mommy, and sometimes I lay in bed and think about this stuff!  And then I just pray.  I pray for your health and your future, for the friends that you will choose, for the choices that you will make, for your wife that is hopefully being raised in a loving Christian home right now.  I pray life's very best for you, but first and foremost, I pray that you will love and serve God all of your life.  And don't forget to love your Mama too! ;) 

First year flashback

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